Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D
Researcher, author and expert in the field of Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS
About the Books
I Don't Want to Choose!
How middle school kids can avoid choosing one parent over the other.
Written by Katherine Andre, Ph.D. and Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D. and published by Kindred Spirits.
Amy J.L. Baker has a Ph.D. in developmental psychology and is the Director of Research for the New York Foundling Fontana Center for Child Protection in New York City. She has 20 years experience conducting research on parent-child relationships on topics such as attachment, early intervention, parent involvement in their children’s education, and child welfare. She is a nationally recognized expert in parental alienation and loyalty conflicts. She is the author or co-author of 4 books and over 50 articles.
Katherine Andre, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist with a clinical practice in Northern California for nearly 20 years. For 10 years, she has been a family law mediator. She earned her doctorate from the University of Georgia where she received specialized training in child neuropsychology. She is a recognized expert in parental alienation and loyalty conflict. She has published in peer reviewed journals and been on internet and radio shows. Her therapeutic work with children and parents is derived from evidenced-based treatments.
Kindred Spirits is a non-profit organization dedicated to healing parent-child alienation. Our mission is to develop resources for those coping with child/parent alienation; educate professionals responsible for children’s well being on the harmful consequences of child/parent alienation; support research to evaluate the social and individual consequences of children needlessly deprived of a parent; and advocate institutional reform to recognize child/parent alienation.
Hardcover Book
“I Don’t Want to Choose” is a 56-page children’s book. The core of the book is an exploration of family situations which are likely to occur in separated or divorced families that can create conflicting feelings in children that they have to choose one parent over the other.
The cornerstone of the book is the presentation of four complimentary approaches to dealing with loyalty conflicts.
When these approaches are used, children develop the skills that they need to resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other.
eWorkbook
For each of the 17 family situations presented in the book, the child is provided with 4-6 pages of activities that
encourage the use of the four problem solving approaches.
Facilitator’s Manual
The “I don’t want to choose” manual is to be used by a professional working with in the school system. The manual provides everything that a school will need in order to run a
small weekly discussion group for children of divorce.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome:
Breaking the Ties that Bind
Written by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D. and published by WW Norton, 2007.
Based on interviews with 40 adults who believe that -- when they were children -- they were turned against one parent by the other, “Adult children of parental alienation syndrome,” describes the experience of being an alienated child from the inside and explains how it is possible that a child can reject one parent in order to please the other.
The book describes different familial patterns of parental alienation, compares alienation to a cult, explains how it is a form of emotional abuse, details the different catalysts to having the realization that one is an adult child of PAS, and describes the painful long-term consequences. The books also offers for parents and for mental health professionals working with populations affected by the issue of parental alienation.
“I Don’t Want to Choose” Hardcover Book
“I Don’t Want to Choose” is a 56-page book. The core of the book is an exploration of family situations which are likely to occur in separated or divorced families that can create conflicting feelings in children that they have to choose one parent over the other.
Family Situations
Seventeen family situations have been identified through empirical research with divorced parents as well as with adults who experienced loyalty conflicts as children. Situations include one parent looking sad, hurt, or angry, when a child leaves to be with the other parent; one parent undermining the rules and authority of the other parent; and one parent confiding in the child about the other parent. These situations create the expectation in the child that he or she should do something to please one parent that will most likely hurt or betray the other parent.
Problem-Solving
The cornerstone of “I Don’t Want to Choose” is the development of four complimentary approaches to dealing with loyalty conflicts. When these approaches are used, children develop the skills that they need to resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other.
Critical thinking skills help children be clearer about where their ideas are coming from and can prevent one parent from implanting false ideas about the other parent.
Considering options helps children understand that there is usually more than one way to respond to any situation and that if they brainstorm ideas, they may be able to identify a solution that will prevent them from doing something that they might later regret.
Listening to one’s heart helps children be clear about their values and priorities and prevents them from becoming overpowered by the emotions and needs of a parent.
Getting support helps children identify strengths within themselves and resources in their environment that they can draw on when needed.
The workbook is an 80+ page companion to the I Don’t Want to Choose book. For each of the 17 family situations presented in the book, the child is provided with 4-6 pages of activities that encourage the use of the four problem solving approaches.
Family Situations
Seventeen family situations have been identified through empirical research with divorced parents as well as with adults who experienced loyalty conflicts as children. Situations include one parent looking sad, hurt, or angry, when a child leaves to be with the other parent; one parent undermining the rules and authority of the other parent; and one parent confiding in the child about the other parent. These situations create the expectation in the child that he or she should do something to please one parent that will most likely hurt or betray the other parent.
Problem-Solving
The cornerstone of “I Don’t Want to Choose” is the development of four complimentary approaches to dealing with loyalty conflicts. When these approaches are used, children develop the skills that they need to resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other.
Critical thinking skills help children be clearer about where their ideas are coming from and can prevent one parent from implanting false ideas about the other parent.
Considering options helps children understand that there is usually more than one way to respond to any situation and that if they brainstorm ideas, they may be able to identify a solution that will prevent them from doing something that they might later regret.
Listening to one’s heart helps children be clear about their values and priorities and prevents them from becoming overpowered by the emotions and needs of a parent.
Getting support helps children identify strengths within themselves and resources in their environment that they can draw on when needed.
The “I don’t want to choose” manual is to be used by a professional working with in the school system. The manual provides the basis for a 20-week program for small groups of middle school children. The manual provides the school with information about the rationale and need for the program and about how to set up the program, such as who can be a facilitator, how to recruit families in to the program, when in the school year the program should run, and so forth. The manual also provides the facilitator with 20-weeks of detailed curriculum to use, as well as guidance for dealing with common process issues such as dealing with dominating or reticent participants, dealing with parents who may want to intrude on the program, and coping with participants whose needs may go beyond what the program is designed for. Each week of the program a family situation is discussed and participants are guided by the facilitator to develop appropriate ways to respond that allow the child to resist the pressure to choose between his or her parents.
The Curriculum
“I Don’t Want to Choose” is a 20-week curriculum based on the “I Don’t Want to Choose” book and workbook. The core of the program is an exploration of family situations which are likely to occur in separated or divorced families that can create conflicting feelings in children that they have to choose one parent over the other. Each week the facilitator, using the I Don’t Want to Choose manual, presents a situation, discusses the kinds of thoughts and feeling that children might have in such a situation, presents four problem solving approaches (see below), and guides the children through activities that are focused on that situation.
Family Situations
Seventeen family situations have been identified through empirical research with divorced parents as well as with adults who experienced loyalty conflicts as children. Situations include one parent looking sad, hurt, or angry, when a child leaves to be with the other parent; one parent undermining the rules and authority of the other parent; and one parent confiding in the child about the other parent. These situations create the expectation in the child that he or she should do something to please one parent that will most likely hurt or betray the other parent.
Problem-Solving
The cornerstone of “I Don’t Want to Choose” is the development of four complimentary approaches to dealing with loyalty conflicts. When these approaches are used, children develop the skills that they need to resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other.
Critical thinking skills help children be clearer about where their ideas are coming from and can prevent one parent from implanting false ideas about the other parent.
Considering options helps children understand that there is usually more than one way to respond to any situation and that if they brainstorm ideas, they may be able to identify a solution that will prevent them from doing something that they might later regret.
Listening to one’s heart helps children be clear about their values and priorities and prevents them from becoming overpowered by the emotions and needs of a parent.
Getting support helps children identify strengths within themselves and resources in their environment that they can draw on when needed.
